Upset is Optional
As you may have figured out, I’m one of those people who is always trying to learn something. How to be a better practitioner, how to be a stronger climber, how to improve my own health, all the things. Most recently I've been learning some micro-mindfulness skills - tiny little habits that you can insert into your daily life that really help keep you sane, motivated, and even happy.
I wanted to share one of these skills that has been super handy in the last few weeks. We call it Upset is Optional. It’s for those times when you have a potentially stressful situation come up and you might want to be reactive. But instead, you take a beat, take a breath, and then decide if it is really worth getting upset. It gives you the space to think about thoughtful forward action, and what that would look like in this situation, instead of freaking out, blowing up, throwing a tantrum or whatever your style of upset is. It’s not about stuffing your emotions, it is taking a quick moment to think about what will truly serve you best in this moment and acting on it. It’s knowing that you have a choice.
Here’s how it worked in real life: My husband started feeling sick the Sunday before school started. We had him isolate out of an abundance of caution, and then on Tuesday, the first day of school for the kiddo, he tested positive. Upset is Optional kicked in. I called the school to see if they wanted the kiddo to come to school or stay home. They didn’t know what the protocol was going to be this year. Together with the school staff member, I decided to keep him home from school. But not home…that’s where the sickie is. Upset is Optional. Okay, I’ll take him to work with me and set him up to play/read/color in a back room. After taking some time to help the kiddo process a lot of strong emotions (Upset is Optional - being present for him instead of getting upset myself was way more productive), we got his backpack filled with fun activities and headed out the door. Then the school calls - actually, my son can come to school after all, they would just request he wears a mask. Okay. Upset is Optional. We dump all the fun stuff out of the backpack, throw a mask on him and set off again. We were able to get him to school on time and me to work on time, so it felt like a triumph.
Once I arrived at work, I took another breath, put on a KN95, and carried on with my day. Because I took those pauses, my nervous system was able to settle into my regular routine for the day. I was present in each appointment, and the day flowed by. I was able to have my last patient come in a bit early so I could do school pick up, and everything worked out just fine. But most importantly, I wasn’t carrying any unneeded stress in my body.
I know that there will be times when Upset ISN’T Optional, but using this tool can help you save the energy that being upset takes for the times that you truly need it, instead of using it up on all the little annoyances life throws at you.
Give it a try and see how it works for you. If you have any questions or want to chat more about this technique, feel free to reach out.
